Monday, May 07, 2007

Close Encounter

The time is the near future. The location is the Sahara Desert.

A spaceship has landed - visitors from a planet in a galaxy far away. Once the rest of the world have managed to persaude George Bush not to bomb the craft to smithereens, a large tent is put up, a small town created, and United Nations delegation meets with representatives from it for an extensive conference to compare cultural and educational development on the two planets.

As the delegates sit round the table and start communicating with the aliens, it soon becomes clear that the visitors are from a civilisation far superior to that here on earth.

Their philosophical ideas blow the mind of the finest brains on our planet.

Their works of literature are more erudite and entertaining than anything the hapless UN representatives can bring to the meeting.

They show film (on incredibly technical machines) of sporting prowess beside which ours pale into insignificance. On the same screens they show television programmes and movies that are simply superior to any output ever produced here.

During breaks, the jokes they tell are funnier, and the food they serve is of better quality than anything the finest chefs on the planet can concoct.

The UN people despair, and start to think that maybe George Bush had the right idea all along. As the conference draws to a close they feel embarassed and ashamed of how backward our world apparently is.

Inevitably, the aliens realise the power at their disposal and demand that ownership of Earth be passed to them in totality, and all the inhabitants be entered into slavery.

Suddenly there is a commotion near the entrance. A boy pushes his way through the crowds and rushes up to the conference table. He hands the head of the UN delegation a Compact Disc. The head looks down at the disc, raises his eyebrows in surprise and then stifles a grin.

He slides the disc across the table to the chief alien. The chief puts the disc into his CD player (far superior to any player ever produced on Earth) adjusts his headphones and starts to listen.

For 39 minutes he is transfixed - every so often he shakes his head in bewilderment. When the disc has finished, he takes off the headphones and stands up.

Slowly he bows to the UN head, and then walks out of the conference - ordering his fellow aliens to follow. They re-enter the craft and fly off into the night sky.

They are never heard from again.

The CD?

This.

2 comments:

scott said...

You jest, surely.

The Beatles were/are rubbish.

Mark said...

A certain amount of hyperbole, I confess, but the Beatles were the best band ever.

To put it in cricket terms, they are to popular music what Don Bradman was to batting.