Papering over the cracks

For the paper that boasts Neville Cardus and John Arlott in its sportswriting heritage, the Guardian's cricketing coverage can be pretty lamentable.

They gained a few bonus points for having Duncan Fletcher as a columnist over the past few years, but then promptly lost them for inflicting the thoughts of Ian Bell on a unsuspecting readership Thus we were forced to endure such Wildean phrases like 'it's the first test of the series, so the lads are all pretty keyed up and ready to go' from the batting scribe - pretty lame bearing in mind Warwickshire was the county that gave humanity Shakespeare, and the Electric Light Orchestra.

Sometimes you get the impression that the cricket writers, Selvey included, are trying just a bit too hard to live up to the Guardian's pinko lefty reputation by almost editorialising about issues close to the game during match reports rather than simply providing a decent analysis of the days play they've just seen. 'Sidebottom plays his county cricket for Nottinghamshire, a county irrevocably scarred by the actions of the scabs - heirs to Judas Iscariot the lot of them, who sold out the brave legions of the NUM by crossing picket lines during the 1984 Miners Strike' Actually I made that up, but you get the idea. You agree with the sentiment, well - I do, but you're left wondering what on earth it's got to do with an article about quick bowling.

Their coverage of the county championship veers from 'desultory' to 'f*** all' depending on how much coverage they're giving the last Premiership transfer rumours.

Sometimes, though, they do pull the odd rabbit out of the hat, like these descriptions from the special 'Ashes Pull Out' from todays paper -

- Alistair Cook is the one who has the look of an ever-so-slightly deviant choirboy.

- KP is the one who challenges stereotypes about masculinity and campness by blending them all into one strapping lump of charisma.

(True story - At The Oval test in 2005, my wife and I were sitting next to Stephen Fry. We exchanged the usual pleasantries whilst a few people sitting round us asked for autographs -his, not ours. When KP walked out to bat just before lunch, my wife said to Fry that she didn't realise Kev was so big, having only ever seen him on TV. Fry leaned over, and in a conspiratorial tone, said 'Well, I wouldn't kick him out of bed!')

- Andrew Strauss is the one who would come across as posh, even if he was wearing a shell suit and had an Embassy Regal dangling from his mouth.

- Matt Prior has the unsettling appearance of a villian in a dystopian horror movie.

And, the best of all -

- Tim Bresnan looks as though he's won a pub raffle to play for England.

Life in the fast lane

Brett Lee's five wicket haul at New Road, coming immediately after getting bawled out by his skipper for fraterizing with the home fans, sets Australia something of a conundrum for the first test.

All the evidence suggests that Cardiff is a slow wicket - from the matches played there so far this season , to the fact that Steve Harmison has stated that he doesn't want to play there, but would rather play on the quicker pitch at Lords, which tells you all you need to know about Harmison, and must come as a huge relief to the selectors...

Yet Australia now seem ready, almost by default, to go into the game with a four-pronged pace attack, leaving the spinning to North and Michael Clarke.

Admittedly, if your main spinning option is Hauritz, then this could be seen as addition by subtraction, but it's a handy little boost for England, just FIVE DAYS before the game starts.

Another Country

"Before I crack on with my eulogy to Michael Vaughan, there is one thing I've got to get off my chest: he ain't a Yorkshire lad, he's from fricking Lancashire!"

- Matthew Hoggard, cricinfo.com

Days of Future Passed

Maybe the post below was ever so slightly churlish – possibly a reaction to the incessant speculation and media circus that has surrounded every Vaughan move since his resignation as England captain less than a year ago.

It's symptomatic of the fact that we’re still clinging to 2005 like an umbilical cord. The underlying implication from some seems to bw that if we can pick the 2005 side, we’d all live happily ever after. Hey, people get older, people lose form and never regain it to the same extent. Vaughan only went over 50 once in that series – in ten attempts - something that got lost in all the champagne bubbles and Alka Seltzer.

The players are exactly the same – Collingwood’s comments about wanting Vaughan in the squad of 16 for example – not exactly a vote of confidence in the current skipper, bearing in mind Vaughan could hardly buy a run, so presumably Colly was referring to Vaughan’s leadership skills.

Even in the cold light of day, it does seem odd that ‘the knee’ wasn’t an issue for Vaughan all the time there was a chance of a place in the squad, but now the door seems to be shut the knee is the excuse for a retirement. Presumably he’d have risked the knee?

His retirement, thus closing the door on any 'bring back vaughan' calls when we go a test down and Bopara is averaging 6.73 is a bit of a wrench, but as KP said - it will help this summer.

Over

Mixed emotions here, as Michael Vaughan announces his retirement.

I've seen no one bat better for England that Vaughan did on the 2002/03 Ashes tour, except perhaps David Gower in 1985 - and his captaincy was at another level right up to The Oval four years ago.

But then there's the second paragraph confirming that the state of his right knee is behind the decision. So, he felt his right knee was ok all the time he was angling for a place in the England squad, but as soon as his was left out, suddenly the knee deteriorated and he's going to give up the game...

Someone is being very cynical here, and I'm not entirely sure it's me.

When the Levee Breaks

First day overcast, second day rain due in the afternoon,

Which, based on Cardiff's reputation means the ground won't dry out until after tea on Day 5.

A draw then!

The Coming Struggle for Power (1)

The Old Batsman has a few pertinent thoughts about Ricky.

Well worth a read.

History repeating itself

Black Propaganda

The ‘turd in the punchbowl’ award of this T20 World Cup goes to New Zealand for their crass accusation of ball tampering against Pakistan – soon after they’d been skittled by Umar Gul for 99 in a particularly inept batting display.

- Forget the fact that the umpire automatically gets to inspect the ball after each dismissal, plus is allowed to demand an inspection at any other time during the game if he feels there is a suspicion of foul play

- Forget the fact that there are at least fifteen cameras trained on the players during play, so a bowler could hardly pick his nose without images being thrown up on the big screen, let alone rough up the ball

- Forget that the ball had landed on concrete a couple of times earlier in the innings – something that tends to have a roughening effect to say the least

No, they’d been bowled out cheaply and got stuffed in a game that a lot of neutral observers (this one included) had tipped them to win – therefore Pakistan must have done it illegally.

The match officials promptly exonerated Pakistan, but it’s all now gone very quiet as we wait for anything approaching an apology from New Zealand. You’d like to think that they might end up on the end of a ‘bringing the game into disrepute’ charge after this sort of bullshit, but you’re not holding your breath. For a sporting nation who reacted like a maiden aunt accused of vivisection after the Brian O'Driscoll ‘spearing’ incident on the 2005 Lions Tour it’s all a bit rich.

In fact, it’s offensive and pathetic.

Slowhand

Yuvraj - st. Foster... awesome!

Begs the question, if spin is going to be a big weapon for England later this summer, who wears the gloves?