Exclusive - Waugh Diaries, Volume 2006

After the evident popularity of the excerpts from Steve Waugh's autobiography I published earlier this year, I've been on the look out for any other Steve Waugh material that might be available. To begin with the search proved fruitless, but then I was approached in an Earls Court bar by a mysterious bald figure in an Aussie Rules Footy Shirt and a pair of cut-offs. After confirming my identity ("Are you the half wit Pom who write some stupid cricket blog") he thrust an envelope in my hands and muttered ''You might find this interesting - but be very careful''. Before I could question him further he disappeared out of the bar with just a parting whisper - "There's more where that came from if you're interested."

Taking his warning seriously, I waited until I was safely home before opening the envelope. It contained photocopies of two pages from a desk diary. It didn't take me long to realise that what I'd been given were pages from Steve Waugh's own personal 2006 diary.

What I've produced here are edited extracts from those two pages. Bear in mind that there are over 5000 words devoted to each day in Waughs neat, some would say obsessive, handwriting. This is a cricket blog, so I've extracted everything relevent to cricket. Sadly, you must therefore do without Waugh's thoughts on any number of other subjects - Why the Dodo became extinct (He blames climate change and over-hunting), Third World Debt (he can solve it) and Kyle Minogue's debut album (he thinks it's the greatest piece of music every recorded by a human being)

Finally - the message to my contact in Earls Court is ''Yes, I'm interested - please get in touch''.

Friday 24th November 2006

Close of Play, Day 2 - I summoned Ricky Ponting to my room and berated him for several minutes about getting out on 196, when a triple century and a declaration figure of over 750 both clearly beckoned. He appeared very contrite and muttered something along the lines of 'I'll make it up to you Skipper, honest'. With the help of two hours worth of videotape, I then pointed out a couple of technical flaws in his batting and suggested he spend at least four hours in the nets getting things sorted. After I'd given him his bowling changes and detailed field placings for the England innings we parted amicably enough - he off to the nets, and me down to the hotel kitchen to complain about the size of the ice cubes in the hotel bar.

Saturday 25th November 2006

Close of Play, Day 3 - Well, would you believe it - Ricky has made it up to me... and how! Not enforcing the declaration was a decision of such bull-headed, ruthless arrogance that it took even me by surprise. I phoned him to offer my congratulations. 'Was that ok Skipper?' he asked nervously, 'Some of the lads couldn't understand it, and Warnie got so annoyed he threw his mobile phone at me.' I assured him that I was incredibly proud of what he'd done. 'From now on' I said, 'you are my brother'.

Later that evening, I went down to Mark Waugh's room. I walked in and told him, 'Mark Waugh, you are no longer my brother.' He looked up from a supine position on the bed, as he was having a particular sexual act performed on him by a young lady of Fillipino extraction, and glared at me insolently. I left the room, stopping only to point out to the young lady that there were some particular flaws in her technique that she should considering addressing. I then reminded Mark Waugh that the wearing of the baggy green cap probably wasn't quite appropriate for such a situation and went back to my room.