Starting Over

Here's what's been happening since England's historic win over New Zealand -

Alistair is surprised that Michael doesn't want to open with him anymore, but as Michael is the captain, he doesn't complain too much. So now he has to open with Andrew - who's lucky to be in the side at all.

Michael thinks Freddie should be playing, but as a bowler who bats a bit rather than a true all-rounder. This means he wants Freddie to bat at number seven - probably because if Freddie batted in the top six a lot of people would say Michael shouldn't be in the team.

Freddie's too busy with court appearances to give a toss either way.

Michael also thinks that if he concentrates really really hard, it will be 2003 again. Sadly Michael's knee might say otherwise.

Oddly, Michael doesn't get a say in who's in his team, and just has to put up with whoever Peter and his friends select for him. It doesn't really bother Michael though - he just tells the journalists what he wants. It might just be easier to pick up the phone to Peter.

Talking of selectors, Steve says he's going to retire from test cricket if he's not picked this summer. (Insert your own joke here)

Unlike Steve (the big girl's blouse) Matty is determined to prove the selectors wrong and bowl his way back into the team.

All the gang would rather be earning some decent money playing in India, and they all think Ravi is barking mad to say that he'd rather be playing at Chelmsford than in Calcutta.

Kevin's new wife has cancelled their Setanta subscription so he can't watch any more of the IPL coverage - for the first week or so he was hyperventilating and sticking pins into an effigy of Giles Clarke everytime it was on.

Ian has now watched 'American Pie' so now knows what Shane was on about when he called him the Shermanator. He's not at all happy...

The New Zealanders are said to be 'worried' about Ryan - but we're not sure if it's the inswinger they're worried about, or what might be growing in his hair.

Monty has tidied up his website, and is perfecting a new celebratory dance for when he takes a wicket. Rumour has it that he found time to attend catching practice last week.

Jimmy has a new hairstyle, and Saj has perfected a fantastic new glare at any batsman who hits him for four. Saj also reckons that a lot of players are going to be tempted by the IPL (insert your own joke here too....)