History repeating itself

Black Propaganda

The ‘turd in the punchbowl’ award of this T20 World Cup goes to New Zealand for their crass accusation of ball tampering against Pakistan – soon after they’d been skittled by Umar Gul for 99 in a particularly inept batting display.

- Forget the fact that the umpire automatically gets to inspect the ball after each dismissal, plus is allowed to demand an inspection at any other time during the game if he feels there is a suspicion of foul play

- Forget the fact that there are at least fifteen cameras trained on the players during play, so a bowler could hardly pick his nose without images being thrown up on the big screen, let alone rough up the ball

- Forget that the ball had landed on concrete a couple of times earlier in the innings – something that tends to have a roughening effect to say the least

No, they’d been bowled out cheaply and got stuffed in a game that a lot of neutral observers (this one included) had tipped them to win – therefore Pakistan must have done it illegally.

The match officials promptly exonerated Pakistan, but it’s all now gone very quiet as we wait for anything approaching an apology from New Zealand. You’d like to think that they might end up on the end of a ‘bringing the game into disrepute’ charge after this sort of bullshit, but you’re not holding your breath. For a sporting nation who reacted like a maiden aunt accused of vivisection after the Brian O'Driscoll ‘spearing’ incident on the 2005 Lions Tour it’s all a bit rich.

In fact, it’s offensive and pathetic.

Slowhand

Yuvraj - st. Foster... awesome!

Begs the question, if spin is going to be a big weapon for England later this summer, who wears the gloves?

Marine Boy

When was the last time you heard the word 'flipper' used in relation to an English international bowler - as Chappelli did for Adil Rashid this evening?

Maybe if someone had an off the wall answer to the 'favourite TV programme' question in one of those Q&As that seem to be coming increasingly prevelent.

Flatlining

Increase in Chris Gayle's pulse rate during his batting assault on the Australians on Saturday at the Oval? Nil.

At one stage I got the impression that if he hadn't had a bat to lean on he'd have descended into a narcoleptic coma.

Tears of a clown

There's plenty of entertainment in a T20 match - the daredevil running between the wickets, balls flying into different postal districts, fielders throwing themselves around like excitable puppies - not to mention the earsplitting PA and the bizarre gyrations of three escapees from a lunatic asylum.

So I can't quite get my head around why Stuart Broad unilaterally decided to introduce an element of slapstick farce into the proceedings during the last over of Friday night's game.

Not once, but four times!

"Wrong" said Fred

There's a bit of a kerfuffle going on over some comments Andrew Flintoff has made in an interview with GQ magazine about immigration, multi-culturalism, and the state of Britain today.

The Daily Liar have, predictably, picked up the story and are running with it under an equally predictable headline - Link

"I have no problems with a multicultural society, I think that is to the benefit of the country. But you have to be careful what levels you take it to. 'It annoys me when I phone a hotel receptionist in my own country and they don't understand what I am saying because they don't speak English."

Well, the fact you've got people who can't understand what you're saying isn't a result of multi-culturalism. If you want to blame anyone for your room service problems, blame the hotel manager who is paying East Europeans the minimum wage (or less) and is happy to put them, and you, in that position.

"I see Manchester on a Friday night and I would be horrified seeing my daughter going to the bars.

'There are places I wouldn't go to now. You see these reports of stabbings, bottlings, shootings, and you think, "What is happening to this country?"

'I think rap music has a lot to do with it. It makes it sound cool not to conform, and to be violent. That's why I think sport plays such an important role. Cricket kept me away from trouble."

Well - yes I can see why you wouldn't want your daughter seeing what goes on in Manchester town centre. Pissed up people on 24 hour benders making an arse of themselves are never a pretty sight are they? (See the picture the Liar use to illustrate their story to see what that sort of person looks like) They end up doing silly things like putting their lives in danger on a pedalo, or turning up to nets/work drunk after a night on the lash when they are the team captain and supposed to be setting an example - I can see why you'd want to shield her from that sort of thing.

As for the 'rap music' criticism - in case you hadn't noticed, people have been running scared of one sort of musical genre or another since around the time Bill Haley shaking was his quiff.

'There's knife crime, gun crime, homelessness, the financial crisis. So many things need fixing. But when you go to somewhere like India you realiise we're not in that bad a shape. We have a tendency in Britain to talk ourselves down."

Wow - India sounds really awful doesn't it, but not quite awful enough to make you turn down the opportunity of going there and earning half a million quid eh?

As for talking the country down - why not leave that to the Daily Mail and it's friends, and stick to your day job. As you say yourself, cricket keeps you out of trouble.

Silence is Golden

When Paul Ince was playing in the Premiership, it was pretty common knowledge that his nickname was the 'Guvnor'. What's not so widely known is that he actually bestowed said moniker on himself - even going so far as having a car numberplate made up and, presumably, christianing his house 'Chez Guv'.

You wonder how he sold his team mates on such arrogance - in particular Roy Keane during his time at Man Utd.

'Hey Incey, pass me a drink'

'It's Guvnor'

'Eh?'

'It's Guvnor - everyone calls me Guvnor'

'Do they?'

'Yes. It's Guvnor.'

'Well I'll fecking well call you what I fecking want. Now pass me a fecking drink.'

'Er, OK'.

I was reminded of Incey's chutzpah by the recent comments from Peter Siddle when he said that he wanted to take over the mantle previously held by Merv Hughes and Shane Warne of being the butt of English crowd abuse.

The kneejerk reaction to that is 'Ok mate - no problem. You asked for it'. But you'd like to think that there could be a bit more subtlty built into the response. After all, if Siddle uses such abuse to motivate himself, why give him the pleasure?

My suggestion is to therefore greet him with absolute silence when he arrives down on the boundary. No jeers, no waving, no middle-fingers, no nothing. If there has to be a song (and we know how the Barmy Army love a good song - even if it's the same one all bloody day long!!) then how about a quick rendition of Bjork's "Shhhh, Shhhh".

Or even John Cale's 4' 33''.

Sloppy Seconds

Ricky thinks there's something odd about the ECB making the Lords test the second in the Ashes series, unlike in 2005 when it was the opener.

Mr Conspiracy comes down off his grassy knoll, and says it's a deliberate ploy by the ECB. (Would that they were capable of such high jinks...)

Well - let's have a look back through pre 2005 history: -

2001 - Lords Second Test
1997 - Lords Second Test
1993 - Lords Second Test
1989 -Lords Second Test
1985 - Lords Second Test
1981 - Lords Second Test
1977 - Lords First Test
1975 - Lords Second Test
1972 - Lords Second Test
1968 - Lords Second Test
1964 - Lords Second Test
1961 - Lords Second Test
1956 - Lords Second Test
1953 - Lords Second Test
1948 - Lords Second Test
1938 - Lords Second Test
1934 - Lords Second Test (Only England win)
1930 - Lords Second Test
1926 - Lords Second Test

Is that enough...???

If there was a test match venue Down Under where Australia hadn't beaten England since 1934, I reckon it would have been flattened by now!

Claret and Champagne

A rare cross-over into football territory to say 'congratulations' to Burnley for winning promotion to the Premiership.

To any non-Brits reading this, let's just say that Burnley is a small town (pop. 75,000 odd) in Lancashire where they still point at aeroplanes and marvel at the wonders of electricity. Interesting times ahead when they start facing up to the likes of ManUre, London French and Chelski...

On a topical note, the cricket team produced Jimmy Anderson.