Miller's Tale

So what do we know about new Chief Selector, Geoff Miller?

1. He refers to himself in the third person

(The Reverse Swing Manifesto says this is very naff...)

2. He was a handy bits and pieces all rounder in the 70's, holding a place in the England side even though neither his batting or bowling were remotely test class.

3. He had a classic 'porn 'stache'



4. 'Without a shadow of a doubt' he feels that the same person should skipper the Test and ODI side.

Interesting times ahead.

A Quick One

Remember this from July last year?

In the last paragraph I asked, rather rhetorically I thought, what would happen if he tried it in a Test rather than a meaningless 20/20 game.

Well, now we know.

Absolute Beginners

This was the first county game I ever saw, and therefore my introduction to first class cricket. I saw Rohan Kanhai make a hundred on the second day- I reckon there are plenty of worse ways to start your 'career'.

Looking through those two line-ups note that, even though England were playing a test against Australia at the time with Luckhurst, Knott and Underwood on duty, there were still fourteen past, present or future internationals on display.

By the looks of things, it seems like quite a good game. Presumably Warwickshire whittled Kent out on the third day leaving themselves just long enough to get the runs. I'd guess that at 65-4, Kent must have fancied their chances of a surprise win against the head, but the unlikely pairing of Amiss and Murray saw Warwickshire home.

Note the location - Hesketh Park, Dartford. At that time counties had enough first class games in their fixture list to ensure that the game was on display right around the county - rather than the one or two locations you see now. So, in that summer, Kent had home games at Maidstone, Folkstone, Dover, Dartford, Tunbridge Wells and Canterbury. These days it's only the last two that get to host county games.

Hard but Fair

"Sir, Sir, please Sir, that f*****g c********r Harbhajan has just called Andrew Symonds a monkey Sir. Tell him off Sir, please Sir..."

For once, Aggers is spot on.

Ain't Missing You At All

Lost in all the ongoing uproar over what Harbie said to Andrew, is quite how Australia managed to bowl out a pretty decent Indian side in two sessions on a pitch that was far from the fifth day beast you often get at the SCG.

One question often posed after Shane Warne retired was 'who would the Aussies have to bowl sides out in the fourth innings?' - the suggestion being that the Baggy Green would henceforth merely draw, or even lose, tests they had previous won (Adelaide 2006 for example or any number of other examples over the past decade)

Well, the answer to both questions seems to be 'two part-time spin bowlers with less than thirty test wickets between them.' A Scouser, and a Brummie no less!

Too Much Monkey Business

I'm not quite sure what all the fuss is about - in my part of South East London a 'monkey' is 500 quid.

Maybe Harbajan was making a comment on the amount Symonds seemingly spends in a month on his hair, or maybe it was a thinly veiled reference to an offer he'd had from an Indian bookie.

Upstairs Downstairs

So Andrew Strauss has opted to stay in the selectors eyeline by playing for Northern Districts whilst the England team are in New Zealand.

Apart from wondering whether Mark Ramprakash is going to follow suit and appear in the NZTV version of 'Celebrities Poncing around in Leotards', my first thought was to consider how Strauss's decision had gone down at home...

SCENE - The Strauss bedroom. Andrew Strauss (played by David Cameron) is fiddling with something on the four poster bed. In the background a servant (played by Edward Fox) glides noiselessly around packing clothes into a large suitcase. A maid (played by Cathy Burke) is on her knees cleaning out the fire place.

AS - "Don't forget to pack my dinner jacket will you Brearley, and Miss Graveney, will you see that my spats are clean?"

ENTER - Mrs Strauss (played by Miranda Richardson as Queen Elizabeth in Blackadder)

MRS S - "What are you doing Andy Pandy?"

AS - (Turning round suddenly) "Erm, I'm just oiling my bat Bunnykins''

MRS S - "That's a strange euphamism - oh, so you are! Why's that? In September you definately said that 'since that snotty little oik Peter Moores has left me out of the squad I'm not going to play again until April so yah boo sucks to him!' Had you forgotten?"

AS - ''I know I did Bunnykins, but things have moved on - I'm going to go and play abroad for a bit''

MRS S - ''Oh, Andy Pandy, you promised. It's ages since we had some time on our own, and there's so much that needs doing around the house - the servants wing needs a new roof and the stable block hasn't been painted for years.''

AS - ''But Honey Bunny - it's abroad!''

MRS S - ''Oh, well, that's true I suppose. Whereabouts Andy Pandy? Cape Town? The nightclubs there are fantastic... or Antigua, I love the beaches there.. or even Sydney - I know you said it's full of uncouth, foul mouthed, smelly sorts, but I've heard the shopping's really good.''

AS - (Nervously) ''Erm, Northern Districts''

MRS S - ''Oh, you mean Finchley? Highgate?''

AS - ''No, Northern Districts in New Zealand, Sweetums.''

(EXIT Mrs Strauss, screaming)

AS - (Turning to the Servant) - ''Finish the packing would you please Brearley - and when you've done that, could you start painting the stable block.''

Act Naturally

Couldn't less this go without comment.

This line from Saj is worthy of note: -

"I just play myself and bowl - that can't be too difficult."

This is Joe Public Speaking

Some of the best sports writing in the blogosphere - bookmark it now.

Canberra Carrot

It's obviously a hard life being an Aussie cricket fan - when the only thing you seemingly have to worry about is whether you're going to extend a winning streak to a record seventeen tests. Of course it helps if Steve Bucknor has a mid-afternoon doze and misses a blatant caught behind...

Anyway, they manage to cope with the stress pretty well - here's the quote of the year, so far, from Tony at AGB: -

'The dilemma of how to deal with a streak is best described by that noted cricket pundit, Danny the Psycho, in Withnail & I: "If you're hanging on to a rising balloon, you're presented with a difficult decision: let go before it's too late, or hold on and keep getting higher. Posing the question, how long can you keep a grip on the rope?" '

Read the whole piece here.